Success?

I have been reading a book entitled "A Mother's Heart" by Jean Fleming, and what I have read early this morning has spoken to my heart. She talks about what success in life actually means. So many times we see a man or a woman that is well dressed and rushing off to some high-powered job so that he or she can have a "quality" vehicle and house as successful. But is that truly success if one's children/spouse are the ones that are sacrificed in the end? This is a difficult topic for me. As a single mom I have no choice but to work and to put my children in daycare, but that does not ease the guilt. I struggle with how much I pursue a career in hopes of providing for my children a certain "quality" of life versus maintaining a job while making my career one of raising my children. I have realized that I adamantly fight against the the stigmas about children being raised in a single parent home. I want it to seem as though my children want for nothing and that they live a perfectly happy, busy life just like their two-parent counterparts. I don't my kids to be the ones in hand-me-down clothes and people thinking, "Well, she is a single mom. She can only do so much." I hate that. But in the end, what is really more important: that my kids have the newest Children's Place line of clothes and sport the name brand jeans and shoes or that they have a mother that is available to them to raise, nurture and love them. I am a single mom and it is ridiculously difficult at times. I am forced to become two people at the same time. I walk a fine line of spending time working to provide the necessities and spending time actually being a mother. And it's not just working 9-5 and then the kids have me from 5-9 . When I come home from work and I'm tired and only focused on getting the days chores done, my kids still don't have me. I hate to say it, but there are days that my kids don't "have" me at all. I run to the daycares to pick up the kids, run home and start dinner, throw a load of laundry in the washer, sit down and eat as quickly as possible so that I can start dishes, put the laundry in the dryer (and start another load most likely), check my son's homework, bathe my daughter, get my son into the shower, tuck my daughter in, tuck my son in, and then back to the laundry and continue with chores until I collapse in bed. At what point in that time do I actually spend quality time with the kids? But then what do I do? I tried to wait to start the housework until they went to bed, but I didn't get to bed until way too late and became cranky and short with the kids due to the lack of sleep. This is not okay. This is not the way I want my kids to be raised. They have more quality time with their daycare teachers than with their own mother. So at that point, who is raising my children? Can I honestly say that it is me? I ache to just quit my job and focus on my children full-time, but that is obviously not possible. I feel as though I am forever pulled in several different directions. I was actually approached by the Sunday School director at church and asked to work in Sunday School. I was told that I have such talent and knowledge when it comes to young children it would be a pity to waste. Who says I'm wasting it if instead of giving more of my time to someone else, I give that time to my own children. I always say that they are my first priority, but does my day to day life reflect that? If someone watched my life as an old silent film, what would they conclude about what is most important to me? I don't think that they would come to the same conclusion as what I profess. I see no change in the near future and that leaves with a feeling of total hopelessness. That is a terrible way to feel about the future of your own children. I do love them so much, I am just so weary of this constant battle. I long to see a glimmer of hope. To know that I am not ruining their lives. That somehow, someday, I will be able to dedicate more time to them. But alas, today is today, and the cycle begins anew.