Proverbs 19:3

So I finally pick up my Bible again this evening and this is what I read, "People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord." When I first read this, my thought was "Did I do something foolish to cause this attack 11 years ago?" I have thought of this alot because I know when the attack happened, I was in violation of some rules of the college. I used to think that because I put myself in that vulnerable position that it was somehow my fault. I have since realized that that is simply not true. I may have been in a vulnerable position but I was with a man I had known for a year and he, I thought, was a good and trusted friend. He was at fault, not me.
Anyway, getting back to the verse, after I figured all that out in my head the truth of the verse hit me. The verse was not talking about what happened 11 years ago, it was talking about what is happening now. Yes, it hurts and I am in pain, but that does not give me an excuse to attempt to abandon my Father. I don't know why He allowed this to happen and I certainly don't understand it and may never understand it. How can anyone give a reason for the evil in this world. The choices I am making now is what is important. Even if I don't feel like reading my Bible and praying, I must. My Bible has always been my lifeline and my prayer time with the Father has always been my strength. There is no one out there that loves me and cares for me more than my Heavenly Father. His heart also breaks when He sees me hurting. One of my favorite worship songs says: "I have a maker/ He formed my heart/ Before even time began/ My life was in His hands/ I have a maker/ He knows my name/ He sees each tear that falls/ And hears me when I call." Now is not the time for me to try and do this on my own. Now is the time that I cling to the One, the only One, that can actually heal my heart. He alone can walk me through this. He alone can soothe the wounds of my soul. He alone. "Father God, forgive me for being so foolish. Forgive me for taking my rage out on You. Hold me close. Heal my heart. Never let me forget that You are my Abba, my Daddy."