i should have named him samuel

after several pain pills to dull the stabbing pain in my head and the churning of my stomach keeping me from a perfectly good pie, i came to a realization. he's not worth it. i literally was making myself sick tonight with worry and anger. i divorced him for a reason. he is not my concern anymore. my children are. and whether i can rest in it or not, they are in God's hands. He loves them even more than i do (which is hard for me to fathom) and He actually CAN do something about all this. i have to remember 1 Samuel 1: 27-28 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." Hannah begged God to give her a child. she finally has one child and she turns around and offers him up to God for His service. she took him to the temple and left him there. and this was not some sweet little baptist church. Eli's sons had prostitutes at the temple gates. they were the epitome of immoral. and yet she entrusted her only child not to eli, but to God. she trusted God to watch over him and protect him. if God could protect samuel in that environment and actually make him an amazing man of God, how much more can God bless and protect my children if i am only willing to trust Him impeccably. this all makes sense in my head, but heart is hard to follow. i just know that i can't do this on my own and i will make myself crazy trying to.