stressed

i have not written in a quite a while and part of the reason is that i have returned to work full-time and the other reason is that i'm stressed because of my son being sick. we have been dealing with something with him for the past two weeks and after two different failed treatments, he may have to be admitted to the hospital. i am trying to be positive and i don't want him to be scared, but i am really scared. they can't even give me a real answer as to why this is all happening. he had surgery once when he was three and had a reaction to the anesthetic. he was still sent home from that hospital, but he continued to decline. within 36 hours of his release from the hospital he had to be taken by ambulance to be admitted back into the hospital and he was there for 3 days. so yes, i'm scared and anxious and not sleeping even though my body is exhausted. i will find out from his doctor tomorrow if he will have to be admitted or if there is still something else we can try. no 7 year old should have to go through this. and i know that this is minor compared to what some other kids go through, but this is still my son. that doesn't make it any easier. if ever i could use the support of a husband it would be now. his biological father doesn't even know about it. he hasn't bothered to even call in over a month. when i do tell him (i will have to if my son is hospitalized), he will somehow find a way for all of this to be my fault. i'm so tired. i don't even want to tell him. i don't want to hear it. he will add so much stress to the situation. ugh. who cares about him anyway. i just want my son to be well again. i want him to be healthy and to be able to eat and to be able to play without pain. i'm too tired for this. i don't want to cry over my son's sleeping little body anymore. i just want this to all go away. i'm turning off the computer and i'm going to go lay down and wait until my alarm goes off.