unclean sanctuary

My sanctuary has been tarnished. I don't know that it will ever be the same. How could he come and force his way into my sacred space? What on earth made her think that this was a good idea? This place of joy and peace and love was shattered the minute I saw his face there. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Of all the places for the two of them to go, why here. Why drive out of your way and invade that which I hold so closely to my heart. What kind of man does that? What kind of brass balls does it take to show up to your ex-wife's church function with your girlfriend in tow? I want to scream. I want to throw up. This was the one thing in my life that he had not ruined for me. The one thing that he had not touched and now even that is gone. And then, my friend, my confidant, he tells me that "there are consequences to our sin and sometimes they are very painful". Really? That's what you are going to tell me? I wanted to reach across the table and shake him and scream, "Don't you think that I know that? Don't you realize I live with these consequences every single day? Don't you see that this was the ONE area that was not completely permeated with reminders of all the mistakes I have made and how I have forever altered my life and the lives of my children? Really? Do you think that I need yet another place for my guilt to overwhelm me? Do you not get it all?" It hurt so badly. I already felt so raw watching them hold hands and talk and laugh with people that have become like family to me and then the one person I thought would understand gives me that crap?!

I feel so weak and honestly beat down. I am drained from forcing my smile as I watch this serpent slither through my "holy of holies". Some may think that I am over-reacting, but this cut to my heart. The joy I have known in this place and with these people will be changed. I ache.

Yes, my friend, my confidant, we will finish this conversation and I will shake you. You care for me and love me yet you have no idea the pain that pours from my heart this night. You have been so blessed to have this kind of evil touch your life. It's time to wake up and see the devastation that divorce leaves behind. Not just the obvious, but the inner turmoil and the agony that never really goes away. Step out of your world and just get a glimpse of mine. Just for a moment. You will never be the same. And I can guarantee you that you will not be so quick to talk about someone else's consequences to sin.