J the megaphone

Feeling better today. Just drained. My meeting with my pastor went well and I was also able to talk to my "consequences" friend (J). He is such a good man. He has this amazing heart, but sometimes it doesn't always come through. He understood more than I gave him credit for, but he also saw some areas in my life that I needed to work on. He asked if I was praying that my ex and I reconcile. I told him a resounding "NO!" He gently started talking to me about how that is Biblical. I knew that I needed to pray for his salvation, but to reconcile? Even if he got saved and became this amazing godly man, I still want nothing to do with my ex! J (in his gently honest way) talked to me about having a Christ-like attitude towards my ex and that I need to believe that God is capable of saving him. It's still a bit much to take, but I know that he is right. The funny thing is, I don't know that I would have listened to anyone else tell me this kind of thing. It is very hard to hear, but I have come to love that about J. He will say what is not always easy because he genuinely cares. Ugh, still don't like hearing it. Need to pray about all this though. As drained as I feel in dealing with all this, it's good to know that He still holds me in His hand. He also understands the pain that is still resounding in my heart, even after all these years. Funny, I thought I was over all the crap that my ex did and how he hurt me. Leave it to J to point it out to me. I swear, some days it's like he is the Holy Spirit's megaphone when I won't listen any other way. So now that I got the message, I have to decide how I will respond.