All good things must come to an end

He will just never get it, which is okay, but it seems odd. Fortunately he has never had this kind of thing touch his life. Blessed in that way is he, so I don't think he will ever understand. He can be understanding (at much as he is being), but he will never understand. He wasn't there with me as I walked through this pain and I have kept him from seeing this part of my life a bit. My ex is pretty much the underbelly of society. Before I met him, I honestly did not believe that people like him existed. I thought that the stories about such people were simply sensationalized to sell headlines and increase ratings. He exposed to a whole new level of society that I never thought would ever brush up against my world much less saturate my life for a while. So my friend will never see it or understand it, unless God forbid, this touches his life some way.

As far as my pain and his "consequences" comment, that bothers me more. I can't excuse that with simple lack of knowledge. True, I do not talk about the pain and guilt I feel from those decisions on a regular basis, but I thought that he knew me better than that. I had hoped that he would be a bit more understanding and compassionate. I know that he is a bit rough around the edges, but I do have some thick skin when it comes to dealing with other people. I think part of it is that typically I would just brush the person off and put a wall between us. I don't want to do that with him. I want to keep this relationship. However, I have learned that at least in this instance, I will have to keep him at arm's length. That does sadden me a bit, but there is nothing more I can do. I cannot force him to understand and I certainly cannot get him to feel my pain. So much of me wants to try just one more time, but to what avail?

Ironically, this is just yet another "consequence" of my sin. This part of my life has interfered, at best, and destroyed relationships along the way. From both sides of the coin. I am so thankful for a new friend at church that has walked through a similar situation. She is being an amazing encouragement to me. As far as my other friend, I just have to "cut my losses" so to speak. This will be the first of those topics that I cannot discuss with him. It's too bad really, I have enjoyed the openness in this relationship. I guess I knew it had to come to an end.