Melting

So I was told over the weekend that fathers need to hug their daughters at least once a day. That there is this natural need in girls and women to have the embrace from a man. If daughters do not get this at home, they will seek it elsewhere. And that literally brought tears to my eyes. First, because my daughter sure doesn't get that. Thankfully a male friend of my has kind of adopted my children and has made a real effort to reach out to them. That includes taking my son to the "men's activities" at church and hugging and loving on my little girl. I am so thankful for him and I don't know that we will ever know what good he is doing for my precious little ones.

That being said, I felt the tears more so for myself. It seriously sucks not having that touch from a man. I am a physical person, a touchy feely person so to speak. When I am with friends, I will touch their backs or arms or wrap my arms around their waists. That's just the way I am. With my children, I am always snuggling them. Even in church, I have noticed that almost always I am touching one or both of my children throughout the service. It is going on 5 years since my husband left. It has been over 3 since I was in a relationship. I feel it. There are times when all I want is a hug from a man. Just to be wrapped in his arms. To be embraced fully and lay my head even briefly on his chest. I'm afraid I would just melt. I feel like such a little kid. I don't know why I am writing all of this. I have to get used to this. I'm not going to remarry so I will never know the privilege of being held by a man on a regular basis again. Yup. That pretty much sucks. Ehhh . . . I just chalk it up to yet another consequence of the choices I have made.