"Do you trust me?"

"Do you trust me?" That's what I hear Him asking me. My head says, "Of course I trust You. You have proven Yourself faithful time and time again." My heart, my gut, just wants to scream out, "What are You doing?! Why give me such a great blessing, only to rip it away? I would have rather of never known this blessing, than to receive it just to lose it again."

My heart aches and my stomach turns. My world has been flipped upside down. I have lost my job and the place that we were going to be moving to. That is hard enough to wrap my mind around, but in losing all this, I have lost a great friend. The one person that I could go to about anything, talk to about anything, the person that provided tremendous wisdom and encouragement. He's gone too. I just feel sick. I feel so very small. I feel as though I've been knocked on my back and I'm staring up at the sky still trying to catch my breath. And all I hear is "Do you trust me?" I want to say yes, but I am full of fear. I don't even know what to write. I don't know what to pray. I just want to lay in His arms.