Discretion or mistrust

I can't shake him from my mind. I don't want him to be there. He shouldn't be there. I don't think that there is any one else out there that I am able to be so open with. I can talk to him about anything. I respect him. I honor him. I feel so comfortable with him, for the most part. The only time I don't feel comfortable is when my mind starts to work over time. I wonder, is it okay that we are so open with each other? There are subjects that we don't discuss in detail, but for the most part, we have, at the minimum touched, on every subject. I have so much respect for him and I know he thinks highly of me. He tells me what "a fine woman" I am. He genuinely cares. He helped me put his coat on today (I was freezing), and all I could think was that I just wanted to sink into his arms. That frustrates me so. I just want a hug, but I fear that that little act could be bad. I just adore his friendship. I don't want to screw that up. So why did that thought pop in my head and why can't I shake it? I know that there is this part of me that is very vulnerable. I have been single now for four and a half years, and I do miss have a man in my life. Part of what I love about this friendship is just that. I have a man that I can talk to and be open with on a regular basis. I feel so blessed to have this special man in my life. He has encouraged me, challenged me, cared for me, protected me, guided me, taught me and has made me laugh like no other. I wish I could just sit and talk with him for hours on end. I would learn so much and I so enjoy my time with him. So why do I fear this relationship? Why am I bothered from time to time? Why are there red flags that briefly pop into my head? Okay, I started this blog so that I could be completely open and honest. I know why there are red flags. He's a married man. I know his wife and adore her, and I honestly don't think that we have by any means crossed any lines, but where is that line? He talks to his wife about our conversations from time to time, but should a married man and I be so open with each other? He is the kind of man that speaks what is on his mind and he can be honest when most people would at best shy away. That is just his personality. His friendship has been such a blessing, but I wonder how it would look to some people. It doesn't seem to bother his wife at all, so should I not be concerned about it? If she is okay with this, then why should I be bothered? The only other man that I have ever had this close of a relationship with (besides those I was in a romantic relationship with), ended up being the man that assaulted me. Does that somehow play into my fears? Do I fear that unless the relationship is romantic, I can't have such a great friendship? Or is it wisdom that is warning me that this could lead somewhere that it shouldn't? There are a few people, besides his wife, that have an understanding about the openness we share in our friendship and none of them have even once expressed any concern. So what am I to think? Wisdom and discretion stepping in to warn me? Or my same old mistrust of men issues? How is a girl to know? All I know is that our conversation today was interrupted, and I am really looking forward to finishing it.