:-)

Yup, I got a date for next Friday night. Heehee! I'm trying not to revert to being a giggling little high school girl, but it's quite tempting right now! Heehee!!! :-)

Dearest Dan II

Dearest Dan,
There is so much on my heart tonight. I want to sit and talk with you and pour out all that is in me. Since I can't do that, I am left again writing a letter you will never see.
I want so much. I want to, no long to, be loved by you. I simply ache to be a wife again. I also want not only the support of our friends and family, bur for them to be excited for us. I want a clear, perfect peace from our Heavenly Father that He is the One bringing us together and that this was His plan long ago. I want to know all about you; what kind of husband you will be; what kind of father you will be to my children; and simply what kind of man you are when no one is wathcing. I want to know about your quiet time, your prayer life, your personal walk with the Lord. I want to know your strengths and be able to support you in how you use them for the Lord. I want to know your weaknesses and be a true "helpmate" to you and balance you out and encourage you. Above all else, I want to know if this is of God.
I have doubts. I have fears. I cannot trust my own heart. My heart would lead me straight into your arms without even a glance back. I hate that I have to hold myself back. I know I must be cautious and wise, but part of me wants to blissfully trust that somehow you have all the answers and I can simply follow suit.
I hate that my eyes burn from the tears I shed tonight over the pain in my life. I don't want to expose you to that. I hate that part of me feels that I will always be haunted by my past that there will always be someone there to hold up a rearview mirror and force me to relive all of that again. I fear that because of my past sin I, and any man I marry, will never be able to receive a full blessing from the Lord.
I hate that I turned you away tonight when all I wanted to do was sink into your arms. I love that after such a rough day, my brief conversation with you acts a salve to raw emotions. I love the look that I see in your eyes from time to time and I want to know that I can accept all that I see there. I want to love you. I want to follow you. Oh, Dan, if this continues, you will learn how I ache with all that is in me to be led by a godly man. To have a man that I can respect, trust and gratefully submit to. I am so weary of being the leader in my home and I relish the day I can relinquish that role.
Are you that man? Are you the man God has chosen to step into this family and be an example of God the Father inour lives? Do you realize all the pain I bring draggin behind me? Do you recognize the many hurdles we must cross? Are you the man to lead me?
Dearest Dan, I don't know what the future holds. I only pray that our all-knowing and wise God will illuminate each step we take. Before I can take your hand, my Father must give me to you. So I continue to wait. I wait for an unwavering peace and clear direction. I wait for love.

In waiting,

T.R.

Dear Dan

Dearest Dan,

Although I am sure you will probably never see the words I write here, I feel as though I need to express all that is on my heart.

I don't know you. Not well anyway. However, from what I do know of you, my heart is filled with joy. You are a kind, gentle, patient, hard working and godly man. You are highly respected and trusted by our church family.

I have no idea what the future holds for either of us. If our future is together, I feel honoered to have such a man by my side. Honestly, I am honored just that you have begun to express an interest in me. Although this is not necessarily what I have pictured, God seems to be answering my prayers. I am so excited to see where God leads us. If I allow myself to dream, I dream of finally knowing the love of my life. I dream of standing by your side, hand in hand, walking into our future, whatever that may hold. I dream of honoring, respecting, loving supporting, cherishing, submitting to and learning from you. I dream of growing old with you and watching as our family grows and matures. I dream of you and me becoming us.

Dan, I have poured out my heart to our Heavenly Father. The excitement, the joy, the concerns, the fears and the dreams I have have been laid at His feet. I pray daily that God lead and direct me. I now pray also for you. That God illumate your way that you may clearly see each step you need to take. I pray that God uses you to lead me in the direction He would have me to go. I pray that God grant you wisdom as we (hopefully) start down this path together. Above all I pray that God continue to teach you and mold you to be more like Him. And, Dan, as I wait, I pray that my God and King will guard my heart as only He can do. So much of me wants to run ahead and embrace a life with you without being patient and learning what all God has to teach us.

My sweet, dear Dan, whatever the future holds, I look forward in joyful anticipation for the journey God has laid out before us. I pray that above all, God may use me as an instrument in your life to spur you on to be more like Him. I pray that I would never be a hinderance to your spiritual walk and that someday we will look back with joy and amazement at what all God has done. Till that day, I will wait with a gleam in my eye, ready to follow wherever He may lead.

With Joyful Anticipation,

I simply can't believe it!

This might really be it! I have spent so much time in prayer about this and about him and I kept asking God to make it clear to me what direction He wanted this to go. Yesterday, I was again pouring out my heart to Him and I asked Him to please guide me. I asked Him to either slam the door shut, or open it wide open. All day I just kept praying. Then last night we had prayer meeting (he can never come because of work) but right towards the end of church, he was there. I was talking to a friend and asking her for prayer about a personal manner that I needed direction on and he walked past. She looked at me and she said,"It's about him, isn't it?" I looked at her just as stunned as could be and asked her how she could know that. She said that when our eyes met there was just this looked exchanged between us. She could just tell. Later he made a point to come up and talk to me and he knew that I was looking for corn stalks to decorate the porch. He had found some that I could use and offered to cut them from the field for me. I thanked him and asked him when I could get them from him and he said, "No, I'll come drop them off at your house." Heehee! Sooooo . . . now he is coming over this Saturday to drop off these corn stalks. Yeah, I got home from church and I just felt this bubble of joy rising up within me. I really think God is opening that door! I find myself longing to get know him more and honestly, just waiting for the day that he asks me out. I still cannot believe this is happening. I feel like a high school girl all over again. I know that there are still a lot of hurdles that we would have to overcome, but if God is in it, then we can overcome them! I can't wait for Saturday. I'm just so excited to see him, outside of church and such. This has me praying like nothing else. I want God to guard both of our hearts and I certainly need wisdom in all of this. But beyond all else, I am just so excited! I just can't wait to get to know him more. Wow. This is really happening!

Dan

I've decided that I'm just not going to worry about it. I enjoy the friendship I have with him and I'm just not going to assume too much. The person that told me about his "interest" could be mistaken. I just want to focus on getting to know him as a friend. I can always use another godly friend in my life that spurs me on to know Christ more. He is a sweet, sweet man. Kind of a rare man. He is very quiet, enjoys the simple things, is very caring, he works very hard and he loves his family. Basically, he's the kind of friend I would love to have in my life. I will enjoy the friendship and just see where it leads (if any where). Just trusting my Heavenly Father and enjoying a new friend. I do have to say, I get a goofy little grin thinking about him and I do look forward to seeing him. I'm trying not to feel that way though. One day at a time. I certainly don't want to think that there is more there than there is and get sidetracked.