For the first time in a long time.
I don't know why you came to my mind,
but there you were.
My mind began to replay that night
Not as a movie,
but more as a slide show
with cracks and pieces missing.
One thing is abundantly clear
The fear.
That moment when I realized
"This is much more than a kiss."
When I knew that this was going somewhere I didn't want to go
and I couldn't stop it.
My "No" was not being heard.
The tears in my eyes were not being seen.
The moment I saw what was going to happen
The moment terror gripped my heart
That moment is forever etched into my mind.
It will not fade
That scar will not heal
And I accept that
And . . .
I forgive you
After over 13 years
I can say I forgive you
You were young
You were impulsive
You told me you loved me
A love that you had kept hidden all year long
that was finally bursting free
You did not understand that hurt you were causing
You did not see the wounds that cut so deep
I did not even know the damage that was being done
My body knew
What my mind denied
My body screamed
As I tried to forget what happened
My body rebelled
It screamed at me to listen
That next day my body won
It stopped
It froze
I lost consciousness
over and over again
They called an ambulance
I missed my own college graduation
because my body knew
It knew
Years later
My mind began to realize
Then slowly my heart
and my soul
I grieved
For the first time
I grieved
For days I cried
But today
I am done grieving
Today I release you
I forgive you
You did not know the pain
You did not see the tears
You loved me
It was a young, impulsive and very blind love
but love nonetheless
I don't excuse you
but I almost understand
So I forgive you
I can even wish you well
God is good
His grace is sure
His mercy never-ending
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